Conflicts are common place when working in scientific collaborations, and with people in general, whether in private or professional settings. Be it, that others take undue credit, screw someone’s plans over, belittle contributions, are confrontational and rude, or mock someone.
Conflicts are stressful. Disappointment, anger, frustration, fear, insecurity, are intense emotions that can arise.
My gut reaction when conflicts arise — affecting me or someone else — is to avoid engaging with the conflict and hope it resolves itself. The trouble is, behaviours do not magically resolve themselves but perpetuate when left alone. The issue becomes bigger, frustration becomes bitterness, and, handling the situation is more difficult, if not impossible.
My learning over the years has been that I should do the exact opposite of what my gut tells me: When I feel there is a social uncertainty or something off, immediately communicate about it. Say “This feels off to me, what do you think?”. I find people are happy to adjust and see the point if the issue is still small!
My challenge is usually that I might not have the right words to express issues clearly. But it is more important to have the right intentions than the right word.
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